In the Style of Paul and Storm Imitating the Style of Jonathan Coulton

I'm working on a Song-Fu-like song, inspired by hearing P&S's song in JoCo's style. Mine is... in the style of P&S imitating the style of JoCo.

It's called "Replicator Night at Jonathan's Pub." It's sung like a pirate drinking song (how else?)

Note that all my content is Creative Commons, Non-commercial, attribution licensed, so if you'd like to help me finish it, please post a comment, and you are free to use it.

The chorus goes:

Oh, Misters Coulton sit at the bar,
admiring their many reflections.
And all their admirers are lined up to chat 'em up,
in a dozen different directions.

It's replicator night at Jonathan's Pub
Pitchers are only a dime
But the buckets of Miller taste exactly like
The ones you ordered last time.

And I didn't think I'd have any fun,
I was miserable, horny, alone
But by our third drink, we were all over myselves...
I think it's time all of me went on home!

[chorus]

[It needs a first verse!]

[chorus]

Peter and Meg were next in the booth
They should not have gone in together, in truth.
When they came out they looked a little unsteady.
Maybe their relationship wasn't quite ready.
He's deep in her heart, and they're joined at the hip [shouted: "literally!"]
There are three of it sharing one artichoke dip.
They've accepted this turn of events with aplomb,
Though he/she is determined to get even more bombed.
They've got fifteen arms, and eight or nine legs,
We'll all just call them all Meter and Peg.

[chorus]

My wife just called me on all our cell phones
We can't stay here, but we can't go to our homes...
Now I'm really confused, I'm in replicant hells
I don't think I could ever explain ourselves [shouted: "if we tried!"]
My clones are claiming that I'm not the original
They've told me I've got to be made discon-tin-ual
They're going to stuff me back in the box
as soon as I finish my bagel and lox.
They'll reverse the polarity...
Flip the big switch...
Invert my parity...
I'm starting to itch...
It's time to finish this caution-'ry story...
in fifteen seconds it's going to get gory
[scream...]

[chorus]